I'm jealous. Pretty insanely jealous. I'm surrounded by pregnant women and babies and it seems like I'm the only one who isn't pregnant. I fought through it for a while, plastered on smiles and doled out congratulations. But come on! My students are having babies!!! People I know never wanted children are having babies!! I have no more politeness left.
Obviously, I've been slacking on the yoga or eating the wrong food because all my grace and light seems to have been sucked into a dark vortex somewhere in the land of the infertile.
Is it too much to just want to be normal for once? For something to be simple and to happen when it is suppose to happen?
Apparently, it is. I'm trying to be cool about it. To not freak out at every wave of nausea or whiff of rancid meat....to not be that girl that gets her hopes up every month only to crawl in the bed and refuse to get out for a week afterward because her body let her down again. But I'm so not cool right now. I'm mean and moody, and angry, and generally no fun to be around....which probably isn't helping matters at all. Hard to get pregnant when you make Attila the Hun look normal.
Maybe I need more sparkle in my life. Or more school. Or more work. Or just enough more to take my mind off what is missing.
Long road trip tomorrow....here's to hoping it knocks the crazies loose from my head and leaves me with a little more grace when I return. Or at least a little less whine.
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