Oh...there you are...

 I found myself on the road today. 

 

I missed a turn and ended up on a path from my past, winding through small towns and memories.  I didn't realize my error for quite a while, but when I did, it was as if I had just awakened from a long and scary dream--not a horror story or a terrifying happening--but the immobilizing kind--the ones you try to struggle out of.  The ones where fear comes to sit on your chest, like an alpha dog, proving his dominance over you. One that makes you try to wiggle your fingers, your toes, an eyelash...anything to chase the fear back into the shadows. I was groggy at first, then disoriented..then, like sucking in that first breath after fear moves off you, I was free of fear and restriction.  Awake! Alive! The eternity of the dream vanished as quickly as it arrived.  And there, in that waking state, I found myself.

 

Now this was not my everyday self, mind you. No, no. That self is full of doubt and self-loathing, and gets all caught up in things that don't matter.  This self is  my 19 year old, head strong, stubborn, wild, sure-footed, don't-give-a-damn-what-you-think-about-me self. For the first time in my life it felt like my "real" self, the every day one, and this inner self existed in the same space and time--the wind in our hair, the radio roaring, and the sun rising on an infinite set of new possibilities.

You know...I like that self.  I think I need more of her and less of the everyday in my life.

Lovelies found here, here and here.

Image driven...

So I'm stuck inside on a rainy Carolina winter day with my pretty little flu ridden Lilly. I'm very thankful to be home, snuggling, making quiet crafts, wiping snot-noses and rocking the whinies away...but she's sleeping finally now and I need a dose of beautiful. How about you? Say yes...

Lovelies found here, and here.

That's when you know...

(Found here: Cecil Beaton Portraits)

I have to take care of my baby. I have to put cool cloths on his head and keep bringing him fluids and pat him on the tummy and feel so very, very awful that I can’t snap my fingers and take the illness myself, which I would do a thousand times over if I could.
And that pretty much sums up motherhood right there. Forget about the laundry, the cooking, the picking up, and the chores. The severity of those things can vary, depending on the culture.
But the utter clarity that at any given moment, you’d remove any harmful microbe from their body and inject it into yours?
That’s when you know you’re a mama.
(Source: Confessions of a Pioneer Woman) 


Yep...day three of Lilly being infected with the flu, and that about says it.

Best day of my life...

While we were planning our wedding I gorged myself with what I think of as design porn....image after image after image of what the "perfect" wedding looks like. I looked at so much of it that I lost my own ideas for a bit....but then I found them again.... and then we had the quirkiest, least conventional, most perfect day...full of potluck, paper lanterns, and love.

Jump right in...

Sigh.