Oh...there you are...

 I found myself on the road today. 

 

I missed a turn and ended up on a path from my past, winding through small towns and memories.  I didn't realize my error for quite a while, but when I did, it was as if I had just awakened from a long and scary dream--not a horror story or a terrifying happening--but the immobilizing kind--the ones you try to struggle out of.  The ones where fear comes to sit on your chest, like an alpha dog, proving his dominance over you. One that makes you try to wiggle your fingers, your toes, an eyelash...anything to chase the fear back into the shadows. I was groggy at first, then disoriented..then, like sucking in that first breath after fear moves off you, I was free of fear and restriction.  Awake! Alive! The eternity of the dream vanished as quickly as it arrived.  And there, in that waking state, I found myself.

 

Now this was not my everyday self, mind you. No, no. That self is full of doubt and self-loathing, and gets all caught up in things that don't matter.  This self is  my 19 year old, head strong, stubborn, wild, sure-footed, don't-give-a-damn-what-you-think-about-me self. For the first time in my life it felt like my "real" self, the every day one, and this inner self existed in the same space and time--the wind in our hair, the radio roaring, and the sun rising on an infinite set of new possibilities.

You know...I like that self.  I think I need more of her and less of the everyday in my life.

Lovelies found here, here and here.